Winnipeg
Winnipeg gets a bad rap for its weather. And too right. It’s freakin’ cold and freakin’ windy. But the people are sincerely NICE. REALLY nice. When we roll in that evening, the fabulous staff at the Fairmont are practically bending over backwards to help ensure Dola is taken care of. We’re feeling pretty warm and fuzzy at this point. That is until Michelle breaks to us some somewhat disturbing news… Just as we had convinced Madonna’s agent to stop their tour from following us, we find out that we now have a new celebrity stalker… Celine Dion.
Indeed, it appears that Celine is also infatuated with Dola, and will be arriving in Winnipeg that evening. No doubt with the intention of following us to Calgary – perhaps even on to Vancouver. Shucks. All this stalking business is, quite frankly, starting to get a little creepy. Following a group pow-wow, we unanimously decide to have Michelle approach the tour manger, and address our concerns. We simply don’t have the room to carry around full time security, so these things need to be nipped in the bud – before they get out of hand… Sensing Dola’s anxiety (she’s so shy sometimes!), Michelle wastes no time, and marches straight up to find out who the tour manager is, as the rest of us lay-low in our nearby restaurant booth. We told her we felt it was best if the rest of us remained back and let her do her thing.
Following a lengthy passing in time, Michelle returns. And as we search her face for signs of the outcome of her confrontation, we detect nothing other than her usual cheerful smile. It turns out she betrayed us by befriending the manager, and asking him for tips on how to take care of her ‘children’. Oh you’re referring to us, huh Michy? Sweet. Well then, there goes our alliance… You betta watch yer back now, sista!
In all reality, Mich DID in fact also address our concerns with Dion’s tour manager, but she felt confident in his assurance that they would not be following us. Phew. Apparently they had bigger fish to fry. Yeah – right. Like, what’s bigger than Dola? Dah. They’ll learn soon enough….
The next morming it was up bright and early to check out the Forks, a tourism hotspot with over 4 million visitors a year. With a big media lineup expected at the Forks the next day, ‘Toaster Time’ was playing a little testy on the nerves that morning. So after he no-shows for breakfast, monkeyman isn’t fed that morning, and we head straight for the Forks. Nosooner have we set up our girl, than City TV’s Breakfast Television is on site to shoot Dola for the Peggers. Soon followed by Global TV. And literally mobs of admirers. Dola LOVES Winnipeg. She wants to stay and hang out longer at the Forks, but with Regina a fair haul away, she knows we have to keep the show rolling.
We’re beginning to think the back seat of Gus is something of a Bermuda Triangle. Unfortunately Toaster himself is immune to its vortex; however all of his belongings – and also some of ours that we have mistakenly lent to him – are not. We started keeping a running tally of everything he has lost, but it became a full-time job in itself, so we now just ensure that objects of value are kept at distance. He’d lose Dola given the chance, so we instead provid him with miniature-replicas of little value which we were happy for him to lose. So, of course, they were the only things that – thus far – have escaped the terrible fate of falling victim to the vortex, and as Dave and the girls are packing Dola up at the Forks, Toaster has other plans and entertains himself with his toy truck and trailer on some nearby stairs. He is, however, of course shooting a very important segment for the vid. We do not dare disrupt his concentration, so we allow him to complete his mission until we are ready to depart. We debated leaving him there. He looked so happy.
Following the Forks appearance, we decide to grab a late lunch before setting out for Regina. We BEG Dave to let us go to Red Lobster, given it’s a luxury we are deprived of (yet strangely inundated with advertising for) back home in BC… He’s swayed, and we march in, decked out in our usual style. Strangely, we’re abolished to the back of the restaurant - when most others are seated up front. This is a phenomenon that is beginning to have a less-than-coincidental pattern to it. I’m fearful that we omit a smell that each of us is immune to, but those with no prior contact are not. We do, after all, practically live in our beloved Gus. Our waitress did, however, instinctively, and without being asked, bring a bib (as well as colouring pencils and paper) for Toaster. Since the coffee incident, we’ve learned to take no chances.
With Cat deciding to be original and order lobster, Dave is suddenly in his element with the discovery of the Endless Shrimp. As he gently chuckles, we start feeling this could make for a LOOOOOOONG lunch. Wanting to settle in comfortably prior her meal, Cat makes a bolt for the bathroom, returning to a pretty fine looking lobster waiting for her to consume. However, she is soon oddly disturbed at Toaster’s intense interest in filming her eat it. Cat eating lobster – interesting video content, it is not. I soon learn that Mich has indeed mutually severed our alliance, as – when I am finishing what was, up until that point, a hugely satisfying lunch – I suddenly almost promptly return it to the plate in a less aesthetically pleasing manner… Toast is showing me a video of him licking my lobster and sauce during my previos visit to the little girl’s room. OH-HELP. Excuse me while I die. But I don’t. However, it does put Dave off his appetite, and he calls it quits after five plates of shrimp. Regina, here we come!
It’s 11pm. Somehow, super-Dave is still driving up a storm, intent on getting us to Regina. Michy is peacefully napping, and Toaster is riffling around for some unknown object which has inevitably been donated to the Bermuda-gods. As he leans forward, I am desperately scanning his back for an ‘off’ button. When I dismally fail to locate one, I resort to staring out the window into what could be a set for a Steven King Movie. I see the corn, and start looking for the children. When I realize it’s a bit hard to look for children in the pitch-dark, I instead discover that the Manitoba staple and icon – grain mills – are lit up a night, thus providing for a little piece of intermitent visual entertainment.
It’s minus 3 out, according to Tips, so it’s strikingly suspect when Toaster chooses this time to open the window. We soon find out why, and Mich is abruptly woken from her sleep. We can leave the rest to the imagination. There is one other person in this car laughing at this point, and they’re the same gender as Toast. What is it with men? But then again, Dave needs to be kept alert, so I can perhaps see why he might find it remotely amusing.
With Mich having finally come out of the closet that she is a lover of Reggae, it’s now midnight, and we’re plodding along to Bob; it’s like he’s here in the car with us. That is until a certain individual starts absently humming along, severely sabotaging the lyrics as well as omitting other various sounds which no other human ever has. Thank god this person clearly has no Desmond Dekker in their personal collection, so when Israelites starts to play on the radio, we are put out of our misery, and able to enjoy in peace.
Looking for a new form of entertainment - prairie-style - we consider playing a game of ‘corners’. Problem is, given the lack-thereof, the participants keep falling asleep between rounds. And with eye-spy being out of the question, we then fall in to a hugely rare and practically unheard of state of silence.
This silence is soon broken, however, when a not-recently heard voice suddenly pipes-up: it’s Tips! And she’s - um – telling us to take a next-left, and first left again. Nice try, darlin’, but I-dunna-think-so… Kudos for giving it a shot, but we’re wise to your antics now, and they’re impossible to pull in these parts.
We finally arrive in Regina at 2:00am. Things we’ve learned on this journey thus far? Dave is made of steel, and The Toaster is a strange form of nocturnal animal. Cat and Mich are, of course, perfect and normal… J
